We are now without a washing machine. After sliding, lifting and squeezing the cumbersome appliance through the boat’s narrow passageways, we examined the useless pile of junk thoroughly. I hoped for a simple solution, a cheap to fix split hose or loose connection. Life is rarely that easy.
The cause of a soapy cascade from the cupboard mounted machine into the cabin bilge was a split drum. Replacing the broken part would involve reducing the Zanussi to its component parts by someone who knew what he was doing. That certainly wasn't going to be me. Qualified plumbers aren’t best known for low-cost servicing, so I suspected that there would be a hefty call out charge, much grimacing and teeth sucking and a promise to try to fix the machine at an hourly rate close to my weekly wage. We’ve taken the path of least resistance and consigned our washing machine to the site scrap metal bin.
Removing the washing machine has provided more storage space in the bathroom, a little extra exercise for me, and it's made our calf muscles ache.
The Zanussi weighed close to 50kg, about the same as a couple of bags of coal, or Cynthia in her winter coats and boots. Losing the weight from a cupboard two feet above the floor on the port side has caused a noticeable list to starboard. To rebalance the boat, I will either have to find £400 for a new machine or ask Cynthia to spend most of her onboard time sitting in the empty pine cupboard.
The Cynthia option would need to be a short term solution. She’s flying back to America in two weeks, not, she assures me, because I’ve asked her to act as temporary ballast.
Our bureaucratic nightmare continues. After three tedious years, we still haven’t secured Cynthia permission to stay with me long term. During our recent two year tour of Europe, we spent much of our time in Holland. Sadly for us, the Dutch are enthusiastic rule followers. The authorities wouldn’t consider an application for Cynthia to stay long term unless we could provide them with an official Dutch address. We couldn’t provide one because of our lifestyle. We lived a nomadic life during the summer months as we explored the Netherlands’ vast network of canals, rivers and lakes in our Linssen yacht. During the rest of the year, we were just as mobile in our Hymer motorhome.
We secured an official address after eighteen months and seven different applications. Two guys from the local town hall visited our mooring in North Holland at the marina where I worked temporarily. They questioned us at length about the nature of the mooring. Did we live on the boat at that particular mooring permanently? Who owned the mooring? How long had we lived there? Where, exactly, on the hundred-metre long pier did our mooring begin and end?
The guys took photographs, measurements and several years off my life before returning to their Aalsmeer office to decide our fate. After several months, countless follow-up phone calls and a few more grey hairs Aalsmeer town hall issued us with an official houseboat address. Then, and only then, could Cynthia submit an application to stay that had the remotest chance of success. By that time our love affair with all things Dutch was over.
We had seen enough tulips and windmills to last us several lifetimes. The country felt too small, claustrophobic and overrun by kamikaze cyclists. The vast and perfectly maintained waterways network lost its appeal as well. I missed England’s muddy ditches, the long thin boats which bumped, scraped and scratched their way through the system and, most of all, the colourful characters who steered them.
Cynthia returned to England with me on Monday 17th December. She had to endure the usual Gestapo interrogation at border control. Once my wife satisfied the officials that she wasn’t a threat to national security or, more importantly, government resources, she was allowed to enter for six months. Cynthia is entitled to stay until mid-June but, in this Brexit obsessed climate, she doesn’t want to wait that long.
So, two weeks today, she will leave springtime England. Her mission is to secure a spousal visa to allow her a worry free return. Her success isn’t assured by any means. She will have to complete enough forms to gladden the hearts of every red tape loving government worker in her way, and then part with a substantial chunk of hard earned cash.
The process can take months rather than weeks. Success is not assured, even with the help of ruinously expensive visa agents. She can fast track the application and reduce the wait to something almost bearable, providing she parts with enough money to buy a decent used car. In the meantime, life will go on in my wonderful watery world. Heartwarming tasks like finding out why on Earth we still don’t have any hot water on board.
Living with cold water isn’t the end of the world. Heating a kettle for dish washing is no big deal, nor is organising a tank full of the hot stuff for showering. With Orient’s onboard generator still out of commission, I can fire up our ever trusty Honda suitcase generator to power the calorifier’s immersion heater. Or, if I really want to spend some money, I can power the immersion heater via my shoreline from the marina’s electricity supply.
Neither of these inconveniences is a real problem, nor is the cold towel rail in an even colder bathroom. What I want, what I really, really want, is to be able to step out of a steaming shower and wrap myself in a soft and fluffy hot towel. A towel warmed by a working towel rail.
A working towel rail and radiators to the bedroom and engine room requires a working Kabola boiler. We don’t yet have one of those.
The problem, we thought, was a hopelessly solidified burner pot. A new pot arrived two weeks ago. Swapping old for new was so simple even I could do it. The Kabola worked so well that, within a couple of hours, we had a constant stream of scalding water flowing from our taps and Cynthia reduced to a small and sweaty puddle in the main bedroom. My success was short-lived. The comforting orange glow visible through the Kabola's front panel glass disappeared by the end of the day. I haven’t been able to relight it since then. It’s back to the drawing board now and endless praying for a simple solution.
High on our long list of Orient remedial work is a new cratch cover. The current cover is driving me mad. The port side has six broken press studs failing to secure the bottom horizontal edge to the hull. The starboard side has none at all. In anything more than a light breeze, which is most of the time at Calcutt Boats, the cratch cover blows inside the well deck, forming a funnel for any rain. Recently, there’s been more rain pooled on our front deck than in the water tank beneath it.
Fitting new studs should provide temporary well deck waterproofing, but the cover is past its best. It’s coated with algae the same spring green as the new buds on the willow overhanging our dump barge mooring, and it's frayed and tattered around the edges. It’s so old and unsightly it could be my twin.
AJ Canopies in Braunston have an excellent reputation. Consequently, they aren’t cheap. They have such a positive flow of new business that they weed out time wasters over the phone. Sadly, on this occasion, I was one of them. The base price is determined by the distance from the cratch board to the cabin top. Then there’s £75 to add for each zip. Our current cover has six of them, four hundred and fifty extra pounds to bring our telephone quote to £1,500. We can’t afford it at the moment, nor can we find the money for the joinery work we also need completing.
We were shocked by the price. We have a compact saloon, ten feet from the well deck steps to the galley bulkhead. We want a pine bookcase removing, and an L shaped bench seat building, plus a removable table to use for dining during the day and as a bed base at night. Like the rest of the boat, we wanted it built in pine. Nothing fancy so, we wrongly thought, not terribly expensive.
The guy who visited us was charismatic, affable and clearly a craftsman. And a Ferrari owner as well judging by his price. Two thousand eight hundred pounds, without upholstery, is far more than we can afford. We’ll have to make do with a pair of folding canvas chairs and no overnight guests for the foreseeable future.
We welcomed a daytime guest on board yesterday for a fun-filled day on the cut. Chris Ansome incorporated a Discovery into his hectic three-week schedule before he flies back to the States next week. Chris is exploring the possibility of returning to the UK after spending much of his working life in the good old US of A. He wanted to experience a typical day’s cruising in winter weather. Zeus was happy to oblige. Zeus is the god of weather in case you’re wondering who this mysterious guy is.
We began our cruise on a calm day under a cloudless sky. The sky filled with clouds, the air with wind and rain. We were buffeted, wetted and would have been chilled to the bone if not for the blazing Premiere range beneath our feet. We had a high old time, culminating with an exciting passage up and down the Calcutt flight. Orient handled the difficult weather magnificently, as did novice helmsman, Chris.
I gather from his frequent comments throughout the day that he enjoyed himself. “Isn’t this fantastic!” he exclaimed more than once. “Thank you for this glimpse into your wonderful life,” he told me several times. The comment which really revealed his feeling though was, “This is the most exciting day I’ve had in many, many years!” Coming from a long term sound engineer with Jethro Tull, that’s really saying something.
Chris enjoyed a memorable day and gained some valuable information about the liveaboard lifestyle into the bargain. As have all of the hundreds of guests who have joined me on board James No 194 and now Orient.
I don’t like to blow my own trumpet, but I’m going to. There’s no one else to do it for me. Learning how to steer twenty tonnes of unwieldy steel can be a stressful experience. Some of my guests have been on other helmsmanship courses. They complained that their instructors treated novice boaters like parade ground rookies. That’s not my style at all.
I want YOU to have a good time. Living the lifestyle is fun. So should learning about it. If you are at all interested in buying a narrowboat to live or cruise on England’s inland waterways, do yourself a favour and join me on a fun and information filled day aboard one of the cosiest and comfortable narrowboats you’ll ever see. You can find all about my Discovery Day service here, or book a date directly here.
I'll write to you again in a couple of weeks. Maybe I'll welcome you on board Orient one day soon too. Tea or coffee?
Click here to get a FREE copy of "Living On A Narrowboat:101 Essential Narrowboat Articles"
We've always used Johns Boat Canopies, based in Erdington, for our replacement covers and repairs. Always a very reasonable price. And he travels.
0121 686 1888
Living retirement in the slow lane.
20 years hiring, 6 years of shared ownership and a Continuous Cruiser since 2007 but still learning!
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